As guys, we know that women can be complicated and tricky. Keep in mind that most women aren’t out to play games, and are just good, well-intentioned girls. However, many guys know all too well that player girls are out there. Let’s say you’ve meet someone new and things seem to be going well. She’s smart, funny, sexy and seems like a great catch. However, there’s a strange nagging feeling that you can’t quite put your finger on it. Something just doesn’t seem right. Perhaps some of her stories don’t seem to add up, or there’s been a bit of suspicious behavior. In relationships, it’s always a good idea to trust your instincts, but conversely it’s important to have facts before you take any drastic actions. Could you just be reading into things too much, or could it be that the girl you’re dating might be a player? Here we’ll help you find out if she’s legit, or if she’s not all that she seems.
What Is A Player?
Before we can figure out if she’s a player, we first have to define exactly what a player is. This could mean a couple different things, but really a player is a girl who plays games with your emotions and is always on the look out to “trade up”. The games she plays may vary, but it really just comes down to keeping you around to entertain her until she meets someone that she likes more. Some women are good at using lots of tricks to get us men wrapped around their finger, and then drop us like a dead fish as soon as they find someone else. Player girls are often very smart and adapt at manipulating you or pretend to care about you to get what they want. She could even be secretly seeing other people while making you think that you’re the only one. Seeing several people at once doesn’t automatically make her a player, just so she isn’t hiding that fact. It’s more about the honestly and intent.
What Makes Player Girls Tick?
A player girl’s biggest motivation is that she doesn’t want to be alone even for a few brief moments. Also, there’s her irrational need to have lots of male attention at all times. Typically they will have several interested guys “orbiting” around trying to win her over. She plays along just enough to keep them around, but also acts aloof as if they’re “just buddies”.
Now that we know what a player girl is, let’s take a look at some tell-tale signs to be on the look out for.
1- She flirts with other guys in front of you
This should be like a warning siren on a nuclear submarine. Try not over-react and give her some benefit of the doubt. You might be over analyzing the situation and seeing something that’s not really there. Maybe she’s just being nice. But if you’re certain that she really is flirting with another guy, here’s what to do. Don’t be jerk, act rude or make a scene. Even if she is a player, word can get around if you react badly. Above all keep your cool. Just grab your cell phone, your keys and your dignity, stand up and leave. Play it cool and just make up some excuse that you forgot there’s somewhere you’ve got to be. Try to leave gracefully and not make a scene. But let’s be honest, if a girl would blatantly do this in front of you, then you two don’t really have much of a future together.
2- She’s often late and has a lot of weak excuses
Many girls are just constantly late or flaky. After all, looking amazing takes time, right. However, if she’s constantly really late, doesn’t show up at all or is always rescheduling at the last minute with really weak excuses, that’s a bad sign. If her excuses just don’t add up or make scene, it might be because they’re not true.
3- She’ll ditch you for her friends at the drop of a hat
You may have made plans with well in advance, but then she cancels the day of your big date. Unless she has a really good excuse, then I’d take this as a bad sign. Maybe another guy asked her out at the last minute so she ditched you. This is a common theme of player girls. They are often very insecure and can’t stand the idea of being alone. Even if they don’t really like a guy, they will keep him around as sort of a “hold over boyfriend” until they meet someone they like more. So if she’ll break plans with you at the last minute to see her friends, then she probably isn’t that into you. In this situation, it’s best to move on.
4- She introduces you as a friend
If you’ve only been dating someone a short time, it could be normal for her to tell people that you’re friends. However, she won’t say things to people like “no, we’re just friends”. That’s the kiss of death. Despite what movies and other pop-culture have lead you to believe, there’s no escaping the friend-zone. Think of this, as a social black hole from which there is very little hope of returning. If you find yourself firmly stuck in friend-zone, it’s best to just cut your losses and meet someone new. Keep in mind that a true player girl would always have at least a couple of “friend-zone” men around to keep her company at all times.
5- Her friends suddenly appear on your date
If you’re out on what you understood to be a date, it’s possible that you could happen to run into a few of her friends. In this situation, it’s best to just be friendly and go with the flow. After all, if you can win over her friends then it can increase your chances of winning her over as well. On the other hand, if it seems that this happens every time you guys are together it could be by her design. She may have planned this as a way to avoid you two having to spend time along together. This could be a big sign that she just wants to be friends, but you’ll need more information to make that call.
There’s another popular variation of this that some girls often use. If at the last minute they ask if they can bring a friend, or just show up with one that could be a bad sign. If the friend is another guy, then it’s pretty much over between the two of you. She is either just completely clueless or is actually playing games with you.
6- Talk a lot about other guys or ex-boyfriends
This is another warning flag to look-out for. It’s obvious that if girl constantly talks about her ex, that she might not be over him. But what if a girl constantly talks about other guys? I used to be friends with this girl who we’ll call Shaunda. All she ever talked about was all the guys she’s dated, and every one of her stories started with “this guy I used to date… “. It seemed that she had dated a ton of guys, but never seemed to have a boyfriend. She was very attractive, so easily could have if she wanted to. Over time it became apparent that Shaunda was little bit of a player. She always needed to have lots of guys around her and always seemed to be looking for the next “trade-up”.
7- She frequently lots needs alone time
This usually only applies if you’ve already been out with a girl a few times. Whenever you have plans (or try to make plans) does she says something like she’s too busy and just needs a little time for herself? Then she assures you that she really does want to see you again soon. It could be that she really does needs some down time, but it could be a game she’s playing. Perhaps she doesn’t want to loose you completely, because she likes having guys around to pay attention to her. However, she doesn’t want to actually be in a relationship with you and is just biding her time until she meets someone else.
8- Always seems “overly busy”, flakey or won’t commit to plans
This is another common girl trick. You want to make plans with her but she always act as if she is just supper busy in very non-specific, seemingly unimportant ways. It’s possible that she has a very demanding job or really does have some legitimate reasons. However, this is the very nature of the types of tricks which players girls use. They have excuses that could be legitimate, and it’s very hard to have a specific instance that you can call them out on.
9-“Call me to confirm”
In my opinion, this may be the smartest, most cunning and diabolical trick that player girls use. It’s so ingenious that you have to almost admire it for its creativeness. “What’s that… you want to see me on Thursday? I’m pretty sure I can make it, but just call me to confirm”. If a girl ever said to you when you asked her out, then you’ve either just been massively blown off or are being placed in a “holding pattern” as a backup up in case nothing better comes along. What makes this so creative is that if something better does come up, she has an easy out. However, she still has the option to see you if nothing else materialize. In any situation like this, it’s important to try and take the high road. Don’t be rude or act like a jerk. Instead, play it cool. Maybe just say, “Sure, that sounds good”. Then the next day text her to say that YOU had something come up and won’t be able to see her as planed.
10- Breaks off dates at the last minute
Similar to number 3, if she will break plans with you at the last minute (and with a very flimsy excuse) that could indicate that she’s a player. It could be that she just has no interested in dating you at all. However, if she does tell you that she really does want to go out with you sometime, then it’s likely that she’s just playing games.
11-Never initiates contact or dates
If you have to do all the work to initiate contact or arrange dates, then it’s not a good sign for that relationship. Imagine if one of your guy friends acted like that. You always had to call them, otherwise you never heard from them. That friendship probably wouldn’t last too long, and the same thing applies here. Granted that some girls have more old-fashioned ideas about the guy taking the lead. But this usually only applies in the beginning of the relationship. Once you’ve gone out a few times, it’s reasonable to expect her to take some initiative in calling, texting or wanting to see you.
12- Cheesy Excuses
If you constantly hear any of the following from a girl you’ve been seeing then be wary. “My phone died”, “sorry, I forgot about our plans”, “I got… busy”, “maybe next time”, “sorry you feel that way”. She could just be trying to give you the hint that she’s not into you, or she could be playing games.
13- Doesn’t Show Affection
If you keep going out with a girl it’s only naturally that you two would be affectionate. However, if it always seems like you have to initiate everything it could be a bad sign.
14- Only talks about herself
This one really gets to the heart of what motivates a girl who enjoys playing games. It’s really all about selfishness. She really doesn’t care about the guys she’s leading on, and is really just interested in what’s in it for her. If she constantly talks about herself and generally seems self-absorbed, that could be a bad sign for things to come.
15- Doesn’t bring you around her friends
This is a classic sign that you’re being lead-on. It’s a bad sign if you’ve been seeing a girl for a while, but have never meet any of her friends. Does she ever bring you around her friends, or invites you to any social events with her friends? If the answer is no, it’s because she doesn’t want you to meet them. It’s likely that she just sees you as “hold-over” material until someone better comes along. Similarly, it’s a bad sign if she doesn’t want to go anywhere in public with you where she might encounter people she knows.
Us guys have to put up with a lot in our search for love. Even when we have the best intentions, it’s possible the girl may not be on the up-and-up. As I mentioned before, don’t be paranoid and just assume that all girls are like this. The majority of women out there are just decent people who do want to meet someone. But be on the look out for player girls. They can be rude, heartless and would probably ditch you in a second if something better came along. Player girls usually act this way out of a deep insecurity and shallowness. However, the real reason a girl treats you like this is that you let her. My personally dating philosophy which I try to stress is simple. No matter what happens, play it cool. Don’t be a hot-headed jerk. Instead, if a girl treats you like this, just stop calling her. You can’t save that relationship, but you can save your dignity. I know I’ve said this before. There are over 6 billion people on the planet. That means your odds on meeting someone new are pretty good.